Maghreb

As I get ready for al-maghrib, I find myself thinking. I haven't eaten since yesterday at 3:00 nor drank a drop of water. Feeling so good, experimententing how my skin is becoming more rose and transparent, how my eyes let pass more then just a regard. And how I am greeted by those who don't know: "Oh you look so beautiful!" But I keep on thinking, it is something from inside that develops because the body is not busy with other tasks, then somehow other aspects start to appear enhanced and clean. "Well", I think, "this is incredible, I am following a precept that comes from the One I haven't seen, and it's a tough precept and yet I follow it eagerly. And it doesn't come from a doctor that I see here in the city. Maybe if this precept was given to me by a doctor Martin whom I might know... I would not be able to fulfil it the way I do it. And yet it doesn't come from a person but a precept from The Unseen. And I fulfil it. It amazes myself." Then, when I am over the edge to touch the earth , I feel that I am falling down the void, as if I were falling down a cliff. But suddenly I let myself go, going down towards an energy in shape of mountains that I can't see but I feel, taking me like an enormous embrace; and I am falling down to them, feeling an incredible shelter that it's impossible to express. And my tears flow like a river, while my head is still over the floor, my eyes wide open, my tears falling down the Kaaba on my carpet, one, two, three, down down down, it atonishes me again to see how many fall without stop. Someone would think I am suffering. But the truth is that my tears don't come from sadness, nor from happiness. They are expressing my emotion in front of another evidence. It's a strong evidence again, strong emotion, strong crying in silence. El Hamudllillah.

Maryam